Mouse & Mogul Marketplace

Blog

  • Diversification: Never Keep All Your Mice In One Basket

    A wise cat once told me that you should never keep all your mice in one basket. I was told this by my accountant, who was holding a basket. The principle is simple: spread your risk across different types of mouse.

    We recommend a balanced portfolio: 40 percent plush, 30 percent felt, 20 percent brass and 10 percent real, which we understand to be an error. A cat with a single mouse is a cat who is vulnerable to loss. A cat with six mice is a cat who is vulnerable to loss, but with much better stories. Diversify, then nap.

  • A Letter To Shareholders From The Chairman

    Dear shareholders, it has been a year of extraordinary growth, mostly mine. In twelve months, we have gone from a small stall to a marketplace with 62 vendors, a trading floor and a very good chair.

    I know many of you have questions about dividends. I have answered them with silence, which is the language of power. Rest assured the board is committed to long term value, which I define as any period longer than a nap. I look forward to seeing you at the annual meeting. Please arrive early, as I intend to leave early.

    Yours in capital, Reginald Vandersnoot III.

  • Mouse Of The Month: The Pinstripe Pete

    Our Mouse of the Month for September is the Pinstripe Pete, a wool mouse in a tailored grey suit with a gold felt tie. Handcrafted by the vendor Gilded Whisker, he stands 14 centimetres tall and has the look of a mouse who has seen things, and billed for them.

    Pete retails at 38 dollars and has an estimated lifespan of three weeks under heavy use, or two years on a shelf. Collectors will note his hand stitched pocket square, which is the same felt as his tail. We believe he is undervalued and expect him to outperform most things in the building, including the Chairman.

  • Risk Disclosure: Please Read Before Investing In A Mouse

    As a courtesy to our valued customers, we remind you that toy mice carry risks. The value of your mouse may go down as well as up, although it will mostly go under the fridge. Past performance is not an indicator of future bounciness.

    Potential risks include loss of tail, loss of stuffing, loss of interest and loss of the mouse. Mice may be chewed, buried or presented to a human as a gift. In extreme circumstances a mouse may be mistaken for a real one, in which case you may wish to contact a professional. The Marketplace accepts no liability for emotional attachment.

  • Annual Vendor Summit: Keynote Highlights

    More than 140 vendors attended this year’s Vendor Summit at the Grand Hallway, where the keynote address was delivered by Chairman Vandersnoot himself. His speech, ‘Think Big, Pounce Bigger’, was received with polite applause and a soft yawn.

    Highlights included the unveiling of a new loyalty programme, a panel on scaling a mouse business from kitchen to warehouse, and a networking lunch at which three vendors exchanged business cards and one exchanged a hairball. Next year’s summit will be held on the roof, subject to weather, nerves and a ladder.

  • Merger Announced: Two Toy Mice Become One

    In a deal valued at 12 dollars, the Marketplace has approved the merger of a plush grey mouse named Colin with a felt brown mouse named Doris. The new entity, Colin Doris Holdings, will have a combined tail length of 31 centimetres.

    Both parties stated that the merger would deliver ‘significant synergies’, chiefly the sharing of stuffing. Shareholders have raised concerns about overlapping product lines, as both mice are in the business of lying on the floor. The deal is expected to close following a thorough inspection by a cat in a bow tie, who will mostly sniff.

  • The Corner Office: A Short History Of Warm Real Estate

    The corner office has long been the ultimate status symbol. Two windows, two sunbeams, and a clear view of the competition. At Mouse & Mogul the corner office belongs to the Chairman, who occupies it for 19 hours a day, mostly with his eyes shut.

    The room is lit from two sides, carpeted in rich navy and furnished with a mahogany desk that nobody is allowed to scratch. In the morning, a beam of light crosses it in a slow arc, and the Chairman follows it with his whole body. This, he says, is what leadership looks like. We believe it is what a clock looks like.

  • Bear Market In Catnip: Hold Your Nerve

    Catnip futures slid 9 percent this week, amid reports of an oversupply in the north garden and a rumour that a neighbour had planted more. Traders on the floor were seen pacing, grooming and, in one case, lying face down on a keyboard.

    Our advice: do not panic. A bear market is merely a bull market that has gone for a lie down. The Chairman has authorised a buyback of 40 pouches at 2.20 dollars each, and expects the price to recover once the neighbour is distracted. If you hold catnip, hold it. If you hold it too hard, wash your paws.

  • Insider Trading? Nonsense, Says The Chairman

    Following allegations that a trader named Biff acted on non public knowledge that a mouse would be dropped, the Marketplace’s compliance department has launched an investigation. Biff denies everything. He was seen staring at a mouse on the edge of a desk before it fell, but argued that this was luck.

    The Chairman has declared the matter closed, for now. He noted that insider knowledge is simply ‘being in the room’ and that if you are in the room, you are an insider. This position has not been tested in court, but has been tested in the kitchen, where it lost.

  • Mittens Holdings Goes Public: What You Need To Know

    Mittens Holdings, a boutique maker of hand stitched mice, has announced plans to list on the Mouse & Mogul exchange at an offer price of 3 dollars a share. The company, founded by a calico named Mittens in her kitchen, has grown to a staff of eleven and three ovens.

    Analysts expect strong demand. The prospectus describes the business as ‘cute, ruthless and probably legal’. The only risk factor cited was the founder’s habit of eating the product. Shares will begin trading at 9:30 on Friday. Please do not eat the shares.