Mouse & Mogul Marketplace

Blog

  • Dress Code Update: Waistcoats Now Mandatory

    Effective Monday, all trading floor staff must wear a waistcoat. This includes analysts, brokers and Biff, who has argued that his fur is a waistcoat. The Chairman has ruled that it is not.

    Waistcoats are available from the staff wardrobe, which is a drawer. Approved colours include navy, charcoal and pinstripe grey. Bow ties are encouraged for senior staff, and tiny briefcases are permitted for those carrying documents, treats or evidence. Anyone discovered without a waistcoat will be asked to leave, then asked to come back, then asked what they were doing.

  • Desk Toys For The Executive Paw

    A desk without a toy is a desk without ambition. This season, Mouse & Mogul offers a curated range of executive desk toys, chosen for their ability to look serious while being knocked across a surface.

    Our bestseller, the Newton’s Cradle with Mice, features five brass balls and four small mice, with a fifth mouse who has gone on strike. At 84.50 dollars it is an investment in your focus, and in your ability to ignore a phone call. Buy it. Bat it. Repeat. The clicking will relax you as it annoys everyone else.

  • Introducing The Rodent Index: Your Daily Mouse Tracker

    Investors have long asked for a benchmark to measure the performance of the toy mouse sector. Today we are proud to launch the Rodent 50, an index tracking the prices of the 50 most heavily traded mice on the Marketplace.

    The index opened at 1,000 points and closed at 1,034. Leaders included Gilded Whisker’s Platinum Mouse, up 6 percent, and a wool grey in a pinstripe waistcoat, up 4. Laggards included a felt mouse whose tail came off, down 14 percent. The Rodent 50 will be updated at 9:00, 12:30 and whenever someone knocks it over.

  • Hostile Takeover: The Windowsill Is Ours

    In a stunning move this afternoon, Mouse & Mogul acquired the east windowsill from a rival firm, Baxter and Sons Sunbathing, for an undisclosed sum, believed to be six tins and a lick of cream. The windowsill offers excellent light, a view of pigeons and a long term growth outlook.

    Baxter’s CEO, an elderly orange cat named Gus, described the deal as ‘robbery’ and left the building in a huff. We view the acquisition as a strategic opportunity to consolidate the sunbeam sector, and we expect the synergy to be warm.

  • Second Quarter Earnings: Mice Up 12 Percent

    Mouse & Mogul closed the second quarter with revenue of 41,200 dollars, up 12 percent on the same quarter last year. Chief Financial Officer Penelope Pennywhistle called the result ‘solid’, ‘healthy’ and ‘slightly under the sofa’.

    • Trophy mice sold: 1,940
    • Executive desk toys sold: 612
    • Items returned with teeth marks: 88

    Ms. Pennywhistle noted that returns were up, but that this was a sign of customer engagement. The Chairman attributed growth to ‘strong fundamentals, a hot sunbeam and my personal brand’. The Chairman has framed the report and hung it at cat height, so that it can be examined and gently clawed.

  • Opening Bell: The Marketplace Is Live

    Good morning, gentlemen, and ladies in good coats. At precisely 9 a.m. this morning, Chairman Reginald Vandersnoot III rang the opening bell on the new Mouse & Mogul trading floor, using a brass handbell he had purchased at auction for 340 dollars.

    Volume in the first hour was brisk. Plush mice rose 2.4 percent. Felt mice fell 1.1 percent on news that a vendor had been seen chewing on his stock. Desk toys were flat. The Chairman declared the day a triumph, then fell asleep in his chair, which the market interpreted as a sign of confidence.