Good morning, gentlemen, and ladies in good coats. At precisely 9 a.m. this morning, Chairman Reginald Vandersnoot III rang the opening bell on the new Mouse & Mogul trading floor, using a brass handbell he had purchased at auction for 340 dollars.
Volume in the first hour was brisk. Plush mice rose 2.4 percent. Felt mice fell 1.1 percent on news that a vendor had been seen chewing on his stock. Desk toys were flat. The Chairman declared the day a triumph, then fell asleep in his chair, which the market interpreted as a sign of confidence.
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