Category: Company News

As we approach the final quarter, Mouse & Mogul remains bullish. Our order book is full, our vendors are happy and the Chairman has recently discovered a new patch of sun in the west wing. We forecast revenue growth of 22 percent for the coming year and a modest rise in the number of staff who come to work on time.

We thank our customers for their support. We thank our vendors for their imagination. And we thank the mice themselves, without whom none of this would be possible, and with whom none of this would be sensible. The bell rings again at nine.

As the year end approaches, the Marketplace is pleased to announce its annual bonus distribution. Eligible staff will receive a bonus of between two and nine treats, based on performance, seniority and how recently the Chairman noticed them.

This year’s top performer, trader Biff, will receive a full tin of mackerel and a star on his desk. The bottom performer, analyst Cecil, will receive a smaller tin and a stern note. Cecil has argued that his result was due to a hidden mouse. The Chairman has told him that the hidden mouse is a metaphor, and that metaphors are not bonuses.

Following several complaints, the board has issued new guidelines on boardroom seating. The head of the table belongs to the Chairman. The seat to his right belongs to the CFO. The seat to his left belongs to whoever arrives first with a snack.

The table itself is not to be sat on, except by the Chairman. The window ledge is open to guests. Anyone seated in the wrong chair will be quietly asked to move, then loudly asked, then asked by Margot, which is the final stage. We thank all attendees for their cooperation and their fur.

After four years on the trading floor, analyst Hamish is leaving to start his own firm, Hamish & Associates, a one cat operation based in a shoe box. The Chairman has granted him a golden parachute worth six tins, a pocket watch and an unopened fish.

Hamish will be missed for his sharp eye, his steady hand and his ability to look serious while falling asleep. His desk has been reassigned. His chair has not, as it has become a minor shrine. A farewell cake was prepared and promptly lost when the staff held a vote on who would test it.

Dear shareholders, it has been a year of extraordinary growth, mostly mine. In twelve months, we have gone from a small stall to a marketplace with 62 vendors, a trading floor and a very good chair.

I know many of you have questions about dividends. I have answered them with silence, which is the language of power. Rest assured the board is committed to long term value, which I define as any period longer than a nap. I look forward to seeing you at the annual meeting. Please arrive early, as I intend to leave early.

Yours in capital, Reginald Vandersnoot III.

Effective Monday, all trading floor staff must wear a waistcoat. This includes analysts, brokers and Biff, who has argued that his fur is a waistcoat. The Chairman has ruled that it is not.

Waistcoats are available from the staff wardrobe, which is a drawer. Approved colours include navy, charcoal and pinstripe grey. Bow ties are encouraged for senior staff, and tiny briefcases are permitted for those carrying documents, treats or evidence. Anyone discovered without a waistcoat will be asked to leave, then asked to come back, then asked what they were doing.