Category: Investing

Trading desks across the floor are buzzing with rumours that a large hedge fund has taken a significant short position on the laser pointer market. Analysts say the sector is overvalued, overhyped and, crucially, inaccessible.

We spoke with Biff, who is long on lasers. ‘The dot always comes back,’ he said. ‘It’s the only investment that runs away from you and is still the best one I own.’ Our own view is cautious. A dot you cannot catch is a dot you cannot sell, and we recommend that clients stay in mice, which can at least be dropped.

A wise cat once told me that you should never keep all your mice in one basket. I was told this by my accountant, who was holding a basket. The principle is simple: spread your risk across different types of mouse.

We recommend a balanced portfolio: 40 percent plush, 30 percent felt, 20 percent brass and 10 percent real, which we understand to be an error. A cat with a single mouse is a cat who is vulnerable to loss. A cat with six mice is a cat who is vulnerable to loss, but with much better stories. Diversify, then nap.