Category: Compliance

Mouse & Mogul takes its compliance responsibilities seriously. Under Marketplace Rule 14, all customers must be identified, verified and, where possible, sniffed. We remind vendors that dogs are not eligible to open accounts, regardless of their stated intentions.

Suspicious activity should be reported to the Compliance Officer, a stern grey called Margot, who sits in a high window and observes. Reportable events include large transfers of tuna, unexplained mice in handbags and any customer who asks for a receipt for something he has already eaten. Margot has the final say, and she will deliver it with her eyes.

As a courtesy to our valued customers, we remind you that toy mice carry risks. The value of your mouse may go down as well as up, although it will mostly go under the fridge. Past performance is not an indicator of future bounciness.

Potential risks include loss of tail, loss of stuffing, loss of interest and loss of the mouse. Mice may be chewed, buried or presented to a human as a gift. In extreme circumstances a mouse may be mistaken for a real one, in which case you may wish to contact a professional. The Marketplace accepts no liability for emotional attachment.

Following allegations that a trader named Biff acted on non public knowledge that a mouse would be dropped, the Marketplace’s compliance department has launched an investigation. Biff denies everything. He was seen staring at a mouse on the edge of a desk before it fell, but argued that this was luck.

The Chairman has declared the matter closed, for now. He noted that insider knowledge is simply ‘being in the room’ and that if you are in the room, you are an insider. This position has not been tested in court, but has been tested in the kitchen, where it lost.